Traditions: Does Rebellion Count?

Welcome to the December Carnival of Natural Parenting: Let’s Talk Traditions

This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama.

Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

***

Our approach to traditions has been stripped down over the years, in reaction to what goes wrong when we get too caught up in expectations. We started with… well. Really, we started with the wedding, went on to Christmas and birthdays, and have wound up applying a standard of low-key to all our activities. In a world which offers “perfection” as the usual standard for all activities, we have chosen instead to go for “good enough.” I am assured by the happiness researchers that this is the path to salvation. 😛

Our simplest ritual involves sitting down for dinner. We were having stressful evenings almost every day, with yelling, tears, arguments, and stomping away from the dinner table. Sometimes it was even the kids. Now, our nightly routine at the dinner table includes a moment to hold hands and breathe. That’s it. Sometimes if supper looks particularly complicated, or is something that is particularly well-loved, it gets a murmur of thanks. When there is meat, somebody usually says a word of thanks to the animal. And that’s it. Our dinner routine. It has made an enormous difference, because it reminds us of why we are there, and how lucky we are to be together in a part of the world with such abundance.

That being laid out, let me explain what happens at our house on Christmas day. We’re not Christians. (Shhh… some of the grandparents may not have figured that out yet.) But let’s be honest. This is the day to end all days in the North American kids calendar. I’m just not committed enough to my own religious beliefs to turn away from that. Even when we were first married, we always insisted that Christmas Day was to be held at our own home. I am unwilling to get the kids up and then make them move to a grandparent’s house in the middle of the day, and I wanted to set that up before it was an issue. This is a day on which I insist that the grownups be grownups, and leave the realm of expectations to the kids.

Over the years our day has evolved. One year, maybe when we still only had one child, my husband and I decided to forgo Christmas Dinner in favour of whatever struck our fancy. That year, we had grilled coriander root chicken from the cookbook Hot, Sour, Salty, Sweet. (Naomi Duguid and Jeffrey Alford. Best series of cookbooks/travelogues EVER!) It worked so well that we instituted a tradition of “Whatever we feel like cooking” in place of the turkey with the trimmings.

About five years ago, that all went wrong. What I felt like cooking was a very fancy meal, but everybody in my family had been ill, and nobody felt like eating it. We had a sad dinner, I had a fight with my husband, and I swore I was never doing it again, because I had become over-invested in the outcome. Our big dinner is now held some time in the week before The Big Day, and the link to Christmas has been removed, reopening that day to freedom, joy, and lying around like slugs. That’s right. Our Christmas tradition has become one giant Pyjama day. The tree always has a collection of puzzles, boardgames, family movies, and new books. If people’s PJ collection is looking scant, a new pair will arrive. The stockings always contain favourite snack foods, a sphere in the toe and a cylinder in the leg. I have a great time finding gifts that will surprise people and have the right shape. (A rolled up magazine makes a great stocking extender, BTW.) And dinner the last few years has been a frozen lasagne, because I want a day off, too. It is an utterly unconventional approach to Christmas, but traditional in its own way. I look at it like this: This is the last day of the year that things are still closed. It is my last-ditch attempt at what passes for Sabbath. A day of rest. We used to be expected to take one every seven days; it is not unreasonable to institute one once a year. So our new rallying cry is: “Merry Christmas! PJ’s All ‘Round! Who wants another piece of chocolate?”

***

Visit Code Name: Mama and Hobo Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!

Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• Traditions? What traditions? — Olivia at Write About Birth needs your advice: how can she make the most of the holiday season in a new country with only her immediate family? (@writeaboutbirth)
• TRADITION!!!!!! — Ella at My Intentional Journey reminds us all to be thankful for family traditions; there are those who have none.
• tradition! — Stefanie at Very, Very Fine came to realize that families can make incredible memories, even if they’re not wealthy (or organized).
• Taking a child’s perspective on traditions — Lauren at Hobo Mama wants to keep in mind how important even the mundane traditions will be to her little ones. (@Hobo_Mama)
• Sunday Dinners and Lullabies — Kat at Loving {Almost} Every Moment finds traditions in the small things throughout the year.
• Simple Family Advent Traditions — Michelle at The Parent Vortex crafted a set of advent bags with daily surprises to eat and to do. (@TheParentVortex)
• Parenting: Family Meetings – A Timeless Tradition — Amy Phoenix at Innate Wholeness discusses a year-round tradition in her household: Family Meetings. (@InnateWholeness)
• Our Mindful Holidays — They may not be “traditional” traditions, but they fit the family of Kellie at Our Mindful Life.
• Our Holiday Traditions, New and Old — Even with three young children, Kristin at Intrepid Murmurings is finding ways to be intentional and meaningful about holiday traditions. (@sunfrog)
• Our Cupcake Custom — Amy at Anktangle knows celebrations need minimal excuse and lots of cupcakes! (@anktangle)
• On the bunny slope of tradition-making — Jessica Claire at Crunchy-Chewy Mama is finding her groove as a holistic-minded mama with a joyful holiday spirit. (@crunchychewy)
• No, Virginia, There Is Not a Santa Claus — Just because her family is not going to do Santa, does not mean that Sheila at A Gift Universe can’t instill some mystery and magic into Christmas. (@agiftuniverse)
• New Traditions — Becky at Future Legacy shares a few traditions she is starting for her family, including popovers, a birthday banner, and service.
• My Holiday Family Traditions — The Artsymama continues a long tradition of adopting family members and sharing two favorite games that work well for a crowd.
• Mindfully Creating Family Traditions — Alison at BluebirdMama has ideas for celebrating birthdays, Valentine’s Day, and Christmas — though her family’s still figuring some of it out. (@bluebirdmama)
• Memorable Traditions — Lori Ann at MamaWit follows four mindful steps when instituting any tradition.
• Let’s Talk Traditions — Lily, aka Witch Mom shares her family’s traditions that are centered on the wheel of the year. (@lilyshahar)
• Homeschool Christmas — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now did not always celebrate the Christmas season in the same way with her family, but they always celebrated together. (@DebChitwood)

• Holidays, food and family — For Kristen at Adventures in Mommyhood, the holidays are about family and food. (@crunchymamato2)
• Giving Christmas to the Critter — Rachael at The Variegated Life has found a way to tie her Zen practices to the Christmas story of the baby in the manger. (@RachaelNevins)
• Family Traditions + To Santa Or Not To Santa — Stop by Natural Parents Network to discover some of the traditions from other natural parents. NPN is also featuring snippets of posts from NP bloggers on the topic of whether to encourage children to believe in Santa Claus. (@NatParNet)
• Family Tradition Origins — Momma Jorje discusses her family’s traditions, and her desire not to make anyone feel obligated to conform to them.
• Everyday Traditions — For Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children it’s the small, daily traditions that make life special.
• Establishing Traditions and Older Child Adoption — MrsH at Fleeting Moments is trying to find ways to start traditions with a family that was made very quickly through birth and adoption.
• Emerging Family Traditions — Melodie at Breastfeeding Moms Unite! shares some of her favorite birthday and Christmas traditions. (@bfmom)
• Does Rebellion Count? — Seonaid at the Practical Dilettante has instituted a day of rest and PJs at her house on Christmas. (@seonaid_lee)
• December Carnival of Natural Parenting: Family Traditions — Sybil at Musings of a Milk Maker tries to give her girls a mix of traditions to foster togetherness — but worries that not being near extended family is a disconnect.
• Craft-tea Christmas Celebrations — Lucy at Dreaming Aloud created a delicious Christmas tradition that she named “Craft-tea.”
• A Christmas Tradition — Luschka at Diary of a First Child knows that even though she won’t be able to have her usual holiday traditions this year, the important thing is that she has her family. (@lvano)
• Celebrations without the Holiday — Asha at Meta Mom shares several ways to celebrate the winter holidays without focusing on religious traditions. (@metamomma)
• Celebrating the Journey We Have Traveled Together — Acacia at Be Present enjoys the chance to draw closer to her family during the Christmas holiday.
• Celebrating Motherhood — Do you celebrate the day you became a mother? Dionna at Code Name: Mama offers some ideas for traditions to mark your passage into motherhood. (@CodeNameMama)
• Celebrate! Winter Traditions Brought Home. — At True Confessions of a Real Mommy, TrueRealMommy and her family are celebrating many different religions and traditions this month. Stop by to see their schedule of events. (@TrueRealMommy)
• “Always Ready”, Holiday Style — Amy at Toddler In Tow discovered that it’s not the traditions themselves, but the emotional experience behind them that makes them special.