Resting in Uncertainty


I find it incredibly difficult to hold space for the amount of pain I’m seeing at the moment. I think it was apropos that I made a blog post last week with drowning as the metaphor.
 
I fear for the future. I feel like all the knowledge I bothered to acquire in the last 45 years has just been replaced with “Because I said so.” There isn’t even any appeal to authority, just a bluntness that overwhelms me, and I find myself doubting my own eyes/ears/reasoning/observations.
 
The thing that is bothering me most, though, is that I’m also afraid of the judgement of my friends, fearing that I won’t be considered to be doing enough.
 
I am trying to hold onto a longer story, the world that we have been yearning for with all our various activisms and actions, research and resistance, our permaculture, democratic reform advocacy, alternative social structures… the list is endless. What I’m trying to speak of in this video, which I titled, “Resting with Uncertainty,” is the need now, more than ever, to believe that they are all necessary simultaneously… and to recognize that no one of us actually has the capacity to hold them all at once.
 
I certainly don’t.

2 responses to “Resting in Uncertainty”

  1. I hear you! We totally don’t know what will happen next.

    This really spoke to me, “The thing that is bothering me most, though, is that I’m also afraid of the judgment of my friends, fearing that I won’t be considered to be doing enough. ”

    I am focusing on love. Self Care. Well, I am sick and seem to be wallowing a bit in it, so I can do NOTHING but self-care.

    Blessings and love,
    Elizabeth

    • Thank you! I also have been seeing some posts about seeing love, and allowing ourselves to still feel positive emotions. For what is it all for, if we are simply to become mired in misery?

      The question for me is how to walk the balance between self-care and self-indulgence, and also, how to avoid addictions and numbing. For instance, I have been tightening my FB controls (access for myself) because I have a tendency to keep scrolling, looking for information. I wonder whether we’re trying to feel like we’re doing something when really we’re just drowning ourselves in despair? (Despair is bad. I’m pretty sure about that one.)