What if you could ask for what you want directly, with confidence, and without the anxiety that comes with the fear of rejection?
I went to a workshop several years ago, and when the leader asked us to imagine something we wanted, I was stumped.
In the process of becoming a responsible adult, I had learned to ask myself, “Do I need that, or do I just want it?” Obviously, (I determined from this phrasing) wanting something was irrelevant and to be dismissed.
Also, needs were a little bit suspect.
If I’ve done without something for several years and it hasn’t killed me yet… can I really consider it a “need”?
I can assure you after using this strategy for about 20 years – it is not an effective way to navigate the world.
Desire is the sensation that keeps us moving forward
The goal of billions of years of evolution is not for conscious social beings to live at a subsistence level and try to convince themselves to be content with that.
In fact, plenty of the things we want are actually good for us.
Desire is a natural pull from our bodies, asking for attention.
It’s a major part of how our systems regulate themselves. The pull for more makes sure that we feed and water ourselves, and asks us to take naps and breaks, and smell the flowers. Desire draws us into the social connections that we need to thrive. It drives the searches for meaning, knowledge, and growth.
It is also – not gonna lie – what perpetuates the species.
But/and, it can lead us astray.
Definitely astray.
We can get caught in habits and chase things for the wrong reasons. Our media and food environments encourage us to flood our bodies with temporary chemicals that mask uncomfortable truths.
And many of the things we think we want are fundamentally about the ego and proving things about ourselves.
It’s hard to tease these sensations apart.
But rather than learning the subtle embodiment skills that help distinguish healthy self-regulation from the ways it can go wrong, we get blanket warnings.
We are told not to trust ourselves, to avoid desire, and to be satisfied with what we have. We learn to second-guess, to downplay our wants (and even needs), and we lose touch with the inborn capacity to feel our way towards fulfillment.
What if it didn’t have to be this hard?
What if you could tell the difference, deep in your body, between a yearning that should be heeded and an itch asking to be scratched? If you could trust your intuition, what might become possible?
I’m here to give you a permission slip.
Desire is the path not to dissolution, but to genuine flourishing – if we can learn to harness it.
With the tools available in Speaking of Desire, there’s no need to hedge your bets or water down your goals. With a few simple practices, you can identify precisely what you want and develop the courage to ask for it.
I’ll admit. It took me years to figure this out. I kept getting those permission slips, the aspirations, the self-help books (So-o-o-o-o many self-help books!) but I still had that sneaky voice at the back of my head saying, “You’re being greeeedy.”
Then one week, I was on retreat in a space where we were encouraged to make our own contributions – and I woke up one morning with this workshop fully formed in my head. I taught it the next day, and it rolled out like I’d been doing it for years. Those initial participants were impressed – so I taught it again when I got home.
And what I found out was that it works.
And it works for a whole range of questions.
I had a woman come up to me after one class and say, “Wow. I really don’t want to have children. I’ve only been pretending to make my mother happy. Now I’ve got to the words to go tell her!”
And more than one person has said, “That was way deeper than I expected from a workshop this short.”
That being said, you don’t have to work with your Big Questions straight out of the gate. I like to start off slowly, with something like a glass of water on a hot day… a straightforward clear experience of a desire that is obviously beneficial and unambiguous.
Over the course of the workshop, I walk you through a sequence of contemplations to:
- Calibrate the sensations of different types of desire in your body.
- Clarify the nature of your desire, unpack the layers, and be precise about WHY you want a particular thing.
- Build the courage to ask for what you really want, even if you don’t know what the answer is going to be.
In the process, you learn to distinguish cravings and whims from a deep pull to a greater reality.
We also work with the discomfort of hearing the word no,
AND… (dramatic pause!!!)
The possibility that what you are actually afraid of hearing is yes!
How do I know this is for me?
This version of the program is self-paced. It’s designed to be done in a single afternoon, but I can imagine sitting with the components for a few days and letting them integrate before moving on.
I’d really like you to finish them, though! (I’ll send reminders to your inbox so that you don’t just forget the whole thing.)
And you’re only going to be able to finish if you are ready to integrate the learning.
So… who should take this workshop?
I’ve seen that there is a person who is ready to expand into something more exciting for whom this works very well. You might love it if any of the following sound familiar.
- Your life is… kinda OK. It’s basically what you expected, or at least you’ve got some ducks. They might not be in a row, but there are definitely ducks.
- You have a network of support, and you suspect that they would be happy to help you more – if only you were willing to accept it.
- You have a sense that you might want something more, bigger, juicier -but you’re not quite sure what that would look like. It’s probably not the mainstream house/car/fancy job, but if not that… what?
These are the sorts of situations where coming into right relationship with desire can be particularly beneficial.
That being said, this course is not for everybody. I am not present to help you regulate or debrief, and the work can be quite deep.
Like all meditation practices, there is risk of stirring up things you aren’t ready to manage on your own.
This program is for people who are relatively well-resourced and find themselves blocking support, not “just barely holding on.”
I humbly suggest connecting to a well-established therapist if you find yourself struggling with bigger things… and I also ask that you do not purchase this workshop at this time.
Who else should NOT take this course:
- Please do not sign up for this if you are in the middle of chaos. Even gently approaching desire when you are feeling trapped, stressed out, or stuck can stir up big emotions.
If you are in turmoil, you should settle your nervous system before you start poking at it. - This will probably not help if you feel socially isolated and hope this is going to “fix” your loneliness.
- You should also not sign up if you want to be able to trick people into giving you what you want. This set of practices is intended to help you find clarity between the whims of the ego and the needs of your heart – any “player” kind of approach is almost certainly in the realm of ego stroking, and it’s not my scene.
If you’re still here, I’m going to assume you’re not in any of those categories, and we’re going on to…
What’s in the Box?
Metaphorically, obviously.
The workshop is broken up into separate meditations so that you can watch them all at once or come back to them over time as you integrate the practices. Each meditation has associated prompts to help you process and make sense of your discoveries.
And it all comes with access for as long as I continue to offer it.
As I make any upgrades (audio-only versions of the meditations and transcripts are on the list, for example) you will have access to those as well.
Core Modules:
- Learning to Trust Desire
- Sensing Different Textures
- Untangling the Threads
- Summoning the Courage to Ask for What You Want
Bonuses:
- Module – The Weight of Other People’s Expectations
- Module – Maslow, Manifestation, and the Draw to Wholeness
(This is available to preview for free on the page if you want to know the tone of my teaching – no signup required!) - 16-page journal with prompts to deepen your contemplation of each stage of the meditation practice
This really is one of my very favourite projects, and I hope that it can help you get a more, better, juicier life – that delivers exactly what you really want.
Get started today by signing up for this workshop at https://products.seonaidlee.com/products/courses/view/1026912